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| What s**t is Watson saying to Sherlock now? |
S**t People Say to Writers
by Lev Raphael, author of Book Lust
Have you been published? **
What do you write? Oh.
Do you have, like, a real job?
I don't read much.
Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?
You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.
I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time. **
My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?
You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.
I read your book. It was... interesting.
My mother loves your books.
I've got a great story for you! **
I thought books were dead.
You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is. **
You should write short stories first. Have you ever thought of that?
Have you ever tried getting an agent?
Hey, I hear it's easy to get self-published.
Has anybody ever told you that you're any good?
What do you write? Oh.
Do you have, like, a real job?
I don't read much.
Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?
You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.
I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time. **
My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?
You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.
I read your book. It was... interesting.
My mother loves your books.
I've got a great story for you! **
I thought books were dead.
You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is. **
You should write short stories first. Have you ever thought of that?
Have you ever tried getting an agent?
Hey, I hear it's easy to get self-published.
Has anybody ever told you that you're any good?
I've had "What do you write? Oh."
ReplyDeleteA few of your others, too.
A neighbor once said to me, "Have you been to any conferences? I heard conferences are a good place to land agents."
Seriously?
Why doesn't anyone ever say, "You write in the children's market? You should write YA dystopian. Everyone loves that."
One I've been getting lately is, "Good for you! That's awesome."
So that's good, at least.
Most of these are all too familiar. And it gets worse when I mention I write YA. You'd think I just told the person I shovel horse s**t for a living. Fortunately not all people are like that. Some ask if I've read The Hunger Games. :)
ReplyDeleteI've definitely heard these before. My least favorite is: Who reads books anymore? Isn't it all about computers and stuff now? Um...yeah...
ReplyDeleteBut my favorite was the time an older woman who has known me since I was a wee babe said: "You better hurry up and finish that book so I can read it before I die." If that's not a motivator to get writing, I'm not sure what is!
I get a lot of poorly masked disappointment from people when they find out I'm writing for the middle-grade set. They presumed I was writing something that took talent, I guess. Like who can't whip up some kids' book?
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of anyone who isn't a writer knowing that literary agents exist, so that's an interesting one. Sports agents, sure. Talent agencies, okay. But not literary agents.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite, as a children's writer, is hearing (in a condescending tone, of course), "Oh. When are you going to start writing for adults?" Somewhere, I read the perfect answer: "Would you ask a pediatrician when she is going to start practicing adult medicine?" But, because I'm a "nice children's author," I bite my tongue. :)
ReplyDeleteHave you been published? **
ReplyDelete(I don't wish to despoil my art by pandering to commercialism.)
What do you write? Oh.
(As with a good teacher a good book can change a child forever. If Bush had been able to read as a child the world would be a very different place).
Do you have, like, a real job?
(Like you mean sucking up to people you hate on a daily basis; no).
I don't read much.
(You're in good company. Have you considered joining Cretins Anonymous).
Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?
(Of course I know him. My lawyers speak to him nearly every day as he plagiarised all my work).
You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.
(I'm sorry, I don't write fairy stories).
I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time. **
(Unfortunately, to write requires not just time but a functioning brain).
My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?
(What's your sister's name, I may have slept with her).
You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.
(Like books on politics, statistics, religion, famous Jewish sports stars, big print books with lots of pictures, actors and how to make a million working from home?).
I read your book. It was... interesting.
(I'm sorry, who said that).
My mother loves your books.
(It is unfortunate therefore you took most of your DNA from your father).
I've got a great story for you! **
(I have a large baseball bat for you).
I thought books were dead.
(Strange, I have wished the same thing for you).
You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is. **
(I write for teenagers, I'm afraid. But should I ever decide to write for imbeciles then I should be able to write for actors too).