Wednesday, October 19, 2011
My New Novel's Gonna Be A Bestseller!!!
Yup. Man Booker Prize here I come!! (Oh, and congrats to Julian Barnes. I'll be in his shoes next year.)
Here's the query for my new novel. It contains such scenes as could never happen in real life, surely.
Maren Wonder is a talented novelist. When the book she's written--Radiant--is chosen as a finalist for a prestigious book award, Maren is over the moon. But as she's uncorking the champagne, word comes that Dulles Deafman, a geriatric telephonist who has always hated Maren and her work, claims he has written down the wrong title. The real nominee should be Gradiant, a gritty novel about cleaning the sewers of New York.
The head of the awards' panel, the well-meaning but ineffective Titus Dimvit the IVth, initially claims that this year six novels were considered worthy of inclusion. But Deafman takes his claim to the media and soon Dimvit is calling for Maren to withdraw Radiant "for the honor and integrity of the award." Deafman can hardly believe his luck: Maren has been humiliated in the eyes of the literary world. But Maren conducts herself with grace and professionalism in withdrawing her book for consideration. What will Deafman do next to turn what should have been a moment of joy and celebration into a complete fustercluck?
THE SCREWUP OF THE CENTURY, a literary thriller, is complete at 60,000 words. I am a member of Fabricators Anonymous and Titus Dimvit IV is my father.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Titus Dimvit V
I should probably have Matt MacNish and his sharp-eyed minions take a stab at improving this. After they're done with their minor tinkering, I plan to write the screenplay, for which I'm going all high-concept: Mommy Dearest meets Mr. Holland's Opus, in which my father is reduced to a blithering idiot, Dulles Deafman is stabbed with the Pen of Justice, and all the other nominees tell a packed auditorium that they're withdrawing in solidarity with Maren. Pass the kleenex!!
And now, off to buy me a copy of Lauren Myracle's SHINE. Truth is stranger than Fiction.