Lev Raphael on S**t People Say to Writers

What s**t is Watson saying to Sherlock now?

I first saw this on The Huffington Post. The asterixes are for things from Raphael's list that people have also said to me--and I've added a couple of my own in bold at the end. What s**t have people said to writer-you?

S**t People Say to Writers 

by Lev Raphael, author of Book Lust   

Have you been published? **
What do you write? Oh.
Do you have, like, a real job?
I don't read much.
Do you know Stephen King? What's he like?
You should write a book about my life, it's a bestseller for sure.
I'm gonna write someday, when I have free time. **
My sister likes to read. Have you written anything she would know?
You write novels? I only read stuff that's real.
I read your book. It was... interesting.
My mother loves your books.
I've got a great story for you! **
I thought books were dead.
You should write a screenplay! That's where all the money is. **

You should write short stories first. Have you ever thought of that?
Have you ever tried getting an agent?
Hey, I hear it's easy to get self-published.
Has anybody ever told you that you're any good?

The HuffPost's Bogus British Book List: No Shakespeare, Austen, Tolkien, Rowling?!

So, the Huffington Post decided to trumpet its UK launch with a list of British writers beloved by Americans. Here's what they wrote:

America has an enduring love affair with British literature--we may have won the War of Independence but we are forever indebted to our island ancestors for the books that get us excited. So here you are England, America's love note to your authors.
Now here's the surprise: Jane Austen didn't make the list, and neither did Shakespeare. Our best guess is that both are too large to be considered British and they belong to the world. You'll be surprised to see who got mentioned most frequently.

Dang, was I surprised! Here's the list:

1.   Graham Greene
2.   Madeleine Wickham (a.k.a. Sophie Kinsella)
3.   Chris Ewan
4.   Evelyn Waugh
5.   David Mitchell
6.   Douglas Adams
7.   George Gissing
8.   Zadie Smith
9.   John Donne
10. Charles Dickens
11. William Golding
12. Neil Gaiman
13. Nick Hornby
14. John Fowles
15. Jasper Fforde
16. Ian Fleming

I know such lists are usually rubbish, but this one in particular seems like it was dreamed up by a trio of tequila, Google, and the sozzled denizens of a frat house. And perhaps Sophie Kinsella and Chris Ewan's Twitter accounts. Plus the mighty George Gissing fan club.

George Gissing, reveling on making the HuffPost list

Think of all the writers Sophie K. and Chris Ewan (the only one of the bunch I hadn't heard of) beat out:

J.K. Rowling, Tolkien, Shakespeare, Austen, Le Carre, Thomas Hardy, George Orwell, P.D. James... Actually the list is almost endless.

Since the HuffPost voters made such a hash of things, let's have the wise and witty readers of The Year of Writing Dangerously weigh in. Who are your favorite British writers?